I CAN'T SLEEP! 12-30-2012

This is a somewhat progressive blog. Feel FREE to begin by clicking to my first post: Boologging Begins

This is almost it for 2012! My husband and I have just one New Year's Eve party to go! This final 2012 Deo Volente entry finds me reminiscing about my blogging experience and the holidays. Blogging began in October, with a 2-month commitment, as this non-writer-who-writes began a new adventure with a Halloween post. We traversed to trains and horses; through family ups, downs, and all-arounds.

Thank you for joining me as I perilously waded through my rude 6-year-old phase, figuratively stomping in mud puddles, kissing slimy frogs, and chewing strangers' nasty gum.

I bared my... soldered... soul [pronounced soddered]. Oooh... the adjective solder is perfect! It means to join, mend, repair. My first inclination was to self-deprecate and write "my silly soul." My husband corrects me when I self-deprecate. The word deprecate is close to the spelling of depreciate... and their meanings are similar. Last summer's family historical memoir-writing soldered me to generations before, and I feel connected.

Two months of blogged reactions to my heritage have created a positive "SYNTHETIC HAPPINESS" (see the definition in the right column). For me, it has been therapeutic and more beneficial than spending hours and hours with a skilled therapist.

 

Christmas 2012 is history. Two cherished Christmas photos are in this post to help share the following heart-warming Tale of Two Manger Scenes. The first manger scene is in Neighbor Joe's front yard. I planned this shot long before my grandson ever arrived. I never imagined it would be such an enchanting experience...

... It is dusk, with gentle snow flurries. We are babysitting our little guy, with only one more visit day remaining, and daylight is quickly slipping away. I need to get THE shot: Jeff, it is so beautiful outside. We must get that manger scene picture at Joe's, today and now!

We quickly don warm coats and shoes. Our front steps are snowy, so we cautiously proceed, holding hands. Will the pictures be as good as I had hoped? Photographer Jeff snaps the pictures as we carefully wipe snow off baby Jesus. I love it!
 

This second manger scene picture has a totally different story. My grandson was drawn to this manger scene rather than being led to it... it was hidden in my bedroom... basically for nostalgic purposes... for me. It is an olive wood manger scene from Jerusalem that Mom gifted to me 25 years ago, and he discovered it. He returned to my darkened room every day, two or three times a day to hold the figures, knock them over, and play...I love that he chose to love that sentimental manger scene. See the train he added? Surely there was a train in Jesus' manger!

This unexpected manger scene experience captivates... and mesmerizes me... as it embraces my topic of free-will and choice. Hidden, intentional, chosen Synthetic Happiness is immeasurably rewarding. I'm so glad that my grandson found synthetic happiness as he was repeatedly drawn to my bedroom, to his great-grandma's hidden manger scene.

I wonder how many past opportunities for Synthetic Happiness I have missed because I wasn't brave enough to enter the dark unknown? My most beneficial Synthetic Happiness experiences have actually occurred in the early morning hours, when insomnia overtakes me, which is a perfect segue to the topic of sleep. I don't sleep well! Prior to cancer, I slept like a baby. Since cancer surgery with chemo and hormone-reducing medication, sleeping has been, let's say, challenging... and forget naps.

 

These past couple of months have become disturbingly worse sleep-wise. I toss, and turn, and toss. Even when I do sleep, only light dreams occur. I think of my dear Dad during those sleepless nights. I know he slept poorly, and I hypothesize that he had many, many restless nights of fitful sleep and thought TOO much.

Dad didn't have the benefits of good old Dr. Oz. Earlier this year Dr. Oz shared that light in the bedroom negatively affects melatonin. For people who have insomnia, even the alarm clock's light can hinder a restful night's sleep. I haven't forgotten that tidbit, and finally after months of worsening sleep, I fitfully experimented. That experiment has helped a little. I slept deeply two nights in a row, but now it is random. I can occasionally take Benadryl, and alcohol might work for a better night's sleep, but I will not do that. I do, however, have two suggestions, and I will share them as I move to close this blog.

In my post titled "12-12-12" a man ends up a bond slave in jail because of continued, negligent, poor choices. My choices and the way I exercise free-will help to determine how my "race" will finish. So, 2 months ago, similar to a race horse, I began circling the track to rehearse and research the intriguing question: To whom am I a bond slave: some thing, some one... or Christ?

Like Bob Dylan's song insightfully says, ¯You've gotta serve somebody.¯  My eyes and mental faculties need to be alert, for everyone's sake. I FREELY choose my caring and loving Groomer (Jesus Christ), and intuitive Rider (The Holy Spirit), and my insightfully Good Trainer (God). I train, but my free-will cannot be compared to a train, riding on a track! From time to time I do run on a race track the Deo Volente.

Let's return to my tips to having a good night's sleep:

First: The more closely I conform to the true image of God, Jesus Christ, the freer I become and the more peace I have.

Second: Look at the selfie directly above (I used a tri-pod) and see the other attempt that helps a little. It is an EYE MASK! Maybe the mask AND a memory foam mattress will improve things. We'll soon see.

Another thing for which I am grateful: Real freedom, which I find in obedience and servant hood to my Savior Jesus Christ. This 2012, 2-month blog is now closing, with my one and only somewhat lengthy Bible verse dramatically captured in this picture randomly posted on Facebook. If Ron reads this, thanks for a perfect pictorial finale...

Do you give the horse his strength
or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?
...He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
...In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground;
he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds (Job 39:19 & 24).

 

Good night, sleep tight, and Happy New Year... Deo Volente!