CHIPMUNK! 12-16-2012

This is a somewhat progressive blog. Feel FREE to begin by clicking to my first post: Boologging Begins
 

Eagle? or Hawk?

I am grateful for positive second chances. Many times they are earnestly needed as well as undeserved. Undoubtedly, the New Town, Connecticut killer would want a second chance, but for him it is too late, and we pray for the survivors.

Second chances sometimes happen with photography. The other day I saw the perfect picture. It was a far-away, large, perched bird in my neighbor's backyard tree, two fenced yards away.

That looks like an eagle!

I run for my camera to take a few shots from my back porch. The picture posted is mega-cropped and blurry, and an important feature is hidden.

I decide to hop into the car and head to my neighbor's driveway. The bird is STILL there! I park, step out, fiddle with the camera, anxiously push the on button, and... nothing. The battery is dead! No way! I can't believe it! Argh! Why am I even wasting my time with this?

For some reason I speed home for my back-up camera hoping the bird doesn't fly away. After a hop, skip, and a few jumps I return to my neighbor's driveway; the camera turns on [check], the bird is still perched on the neighbor's branch [check], and he is so posing for me [check]. Click, click, click!

Did the second-chance shot, from a different angle, reveal an eagle or just a hawk?

That second chance leads me to attempt writing a brief fiction story, about second chances and questionable choices. This story begins back in the mid-1940s, after World War II.

Fritz appears fidgety and anxious. As he rides the train, he has lots of time, and his thoughts are chugging. I can't believe I did it! After 20 long years of being married to Harriett, with her never-ending requests and nagging... it is over! I am a FREE man! Yes, sir! No more of Harriett's hoity-toity formal functions and money-spending to worry about.

I am a good and reputable person, and I will financially support my three children. I don't need God, God, or GOD for that matter, #@&%  #%!!!!  I need Matilda... ahhh, she is so unlike Harriett; she appreciates me. She is simple, and she will be frugal too. I have a second chance at happiness!!

One of Fritz's concerns is leaving his older brother, Felix. Poor Felix didn't have the same advantages as Fritz. As children, their Father, Dr. Felix Weinhauser, regularly met in wine cellars with his buddies. Inebriated Dr. W. philosophized about German atrocities, which diverted his thoughts from the anger felt from the tragic deaths of 7 of his 9 children from childhood illnesses. What a failed doctor I am!!!

One evening, after enjoying a few drinks, Dr. W. did something that forever handicapped his namesake, Felix. Rumor has it he lost his temper with youthful Felix... and impulsively pushed him, and he fell down a flight of stairs. Felix will never be able to hold a job. He's mentally challenged. Fritz, on the other hand, was affected differently. He wisely guarded his emotions, so Father would never have reason to hurt him.

The other person on Fritz's mind is Dara. Dara is his oldest daughter. "Sweet" 16 Dara is quite the beauty. She has a trained singing voice and loves to ride horses. Dara needs to go to college to find an upstanding man. She is such a quiet teenager, but, ohhh her temper; she certainly displayed it the other day towards me. Her fury was a replay of poor Felix's run-in with Father. But I didn't react like Father did. I can't risk re-playing that scenario! Everything will be better once I leave; she will get over all of this. She likes photography and is creative, so college will be good for her. I need plenty of finances, to help pay for her to go to a good college in 1 1/2 years... 

Years ago, attending college is what saved financially-struggling Fritz. Before marrying Harriett, while attending college, German Fritz placed vending machines around campus to fund his schooling. It was brilliant! And then, with his business degree and $500 borrowed from his hard-working, washer-woman Mother, he created a business with a partner... the war breaking out helped him to become a successful businessman earning hand-over-fist money. Fritz thinks about his employees too. He treated them well, with company parties and special gifts. They will be fine, too.

Fortunately, in Florida I can still make money AND run my business, long distance.  A post office box will be needed for business purposes, so I might as well live near the post office.... No need for Matilda to see anything about my finances. She'll want to spend it like Harriett did! My manager/brother-in-law (Harriett's brother) will make sure the business runs well. I have taken good care of him over the years. Even when I can trust no one else (like my former, shady business partner who ran off with the profits), I can trust Charles. I will have enough money to help Felix AND my children AND my wife-to-be, who is with child. Ah, yes. Everything will be just fine

Fritz's thoughts return to his daughter's outburst the other day... Dara was certainly fuming when she confronted me the other day: "Is it true about you and the maid?... I can't believe it!!! How could you? At school I will be humiliated! Why don't you just move away with her and leave us!"

Dara then stomped out of the room. She ordered me to leave, after all. I need to flee from every one and every thing. It makes so much sense for their sake and mine...  [Boing! Please excuse this writer's "Aha" moments]  I can have my cake and eat it too, by financially supporting my three children from long distance. Harriett is all they need. I will be away from perfectionist Harriett; and I will be with Matilda and our new child. Everyone will be happier this way.

Five years later for Dara's small, backyard wedding ceremony, Fritz was noticeably absent. Bitter Harriett believed Fritz's presence would resurface the gossipy rumors and overshadow Dara's happy day; divorce in their 1940s social circle was humiliating... but Fritz's "elopement" stoked the fire, turning humiliation into scandal. Harriett's logic made sense. [Boing! Boing!]

Dara saw her Father only once, about 20 years later, only after Dara's brother's suicide.

Dara guards her emotional "voice," never wanting to repeat her monumental teenage outburst. She plans to have a peaceful marriage with no nagging, and her children will be happy. Abandoned Dara's erroneous logic is that her "voice," as well as her Mother's perfectionism, pushed Father away... and she believes Father rejected her [Boing! Boing! Boing!]... 

I originally wrote this story to show that a second chance for Fritz didn't equal happiness for all; but, as I focused more closely, Fritz became more human to me. I believe he really cared about his children, despite his unwise decision. I received an altogether different angle... perspective... or message... about flawed logic.

To confuse you even more... let's return to my introductory story. Is the bird in my picture an eagle or a hawk? My logical mind said: I see a curved beak, and the bird is large, therefore it is an eagle.

My other picture (the second-chance shot) provides critical data and the all-important chest... with white feathers. The bird is actually a... VERY LARGE... hawk.

My fictional story about Fritz is closely based on events in Mom's family history with the names changed. "Dr. Weinhauser" is my great-grandfather, and "Fritz" is his son (my Grandfather). Mom never understood Dad "Fritz's" tragic childhood, losing so many siblings as well as his brother. The generational need for "voice" is clear for me:

*Great-Grandfather Felix imbibed his tragedies away closing his "voice" & hurting everyone.
*Grandfather Fritz closed his "voice" and physically ran away from his family.
*Mom closed her "voice" and Dad imbibed away his suspicion and worries.

This link in three generations seems to parallel the unexpected link I learned in my post, "The Why I Do the Things I Do"... revealing three modes of transportation and an interesting outcome. Current events often times have their roots in the past.

The CRITICAL error in Mom's logic is: she missed the hidden "white feathers" clue:

...Mom's mysterious, quiet, attractive ways + her Father's history of cheating...

= Suspicion! Dad's flawed logic believed Mom cheated on him in their "voice-less" marriage
Dad's legalistic upbringing led to his 20s belief: "Mother's #@&% religion is irrelevant."
[Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!... Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!]
 

Logic is only correct when it is based on accurate assumptions. My human logic says, God has set me FREE; my free-will can choose to do any legal thing I please. But the "White Feathers" component for me is: I must learn my "voice." My heritage will not allow me to have my cake and eat it too. Alcoholism, tragedy, and suicide reside too close to my home. 

Warning! Read ONLY if you're ready for some spirited logic: My sober free-will endeavors to trust God's all-knowing logic as I study His Word. One of my basic assumptions is that God loves me and He allows events to happen; they can be for my good; and if I can't see the good, there might be the bigger-picture good... of trust. I tactfully need to face my painful events head-on and my depression. I trust Him, and He colors my thoughts, and maybe even the writings in this blog.

The lyrics to the old song, ¯Only You¯ seem to Boing, particularly after Connecticut's stories of goodness and heroism in response to one person's senseless, illogical, tragic act:

¯Only You
Can make this world seem right
Only You
Can make the darkness bright
Only You and You alone
Can thrill me like You do
And fill my heart with love for only You

Only You
Can make this change in me
For it's true
You are my destiny
When You hold my hand, I understand
The magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one, my one and only YOU...¯
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_platters/only_you.html ]

You may not have noticed this post's title, but I was hoping you would. I needed your logic... to keep you reading through this never-ending post and wonder where the wingo I would mention the title. For those of you who did endure and do feel teased, I won't disappoint you any longer. I can weave this post's critter into the thing for which I am grateful: Chipmunk crafting, with my friend!

Please join my daily posts counting down to 12-21-12, and Wednesday, December 19th's "alarming" post.