PAPA : APPROACH & Nick Vujicic

     To celebrate today's International Day of Peace, as well as salute the final full day of summer royale 2013, I dub this my concluding post of a 2-month, 10-blog marathon addressing The PAPA Prayer. The relational PAPA prayer format includes the following four steps with an appropriate, memorable acronym:

P = Present... yourself to God without pretense
A = Attend... to how you're thinking of God
P = Purge...  yourself of anything blocking your
       relationship with God
A = Approach... God as the "first thing" in your life 

(The PAPA Prayer, p.10)

     For the past 5 years, about once a week, I have practiced this way of praying. The results aren't visible to others, but I notice a paradigm shift. I attempt to try to see the world and people through Father God's eyes and then APPROACH Him accordingly with my prayers.

     A speaker who shares a God-as-"first-thing" message is Nick Vujicic. If a Shallow Hal spell were to be placed on my mind, where a person's inner-essence becomes their outer-stature, the rugged picture above of Prince William is how I see Vujicic. I envision a strong man with substance to overcome. He sees a larger perspective and has resisted the allure to feel offended by God's sovereignty.

     In the unforgettable interview with Kerry Shook below, Vujicic's brilliant humor communicates matter-of-fact, down-to-earth insights on true joy, purpose, and peace.
     

PAPA : Jump, Crash & PURGE

Moment of Crash

     I figuratively stand on a walking bridge. With adrenaline flowing and sweaty palms, I apprehensively approach the "Moment of Jump!"... to the waters below... It is the moment where I choose to take a leap of faith and, for a Nano-second, suspend into space. Gravity immediately hijacks any control and pulls me down, down, down. With eyes clamped shut, I take a breath and brace for the chilling water's "Moment of Crash."

     The relationship of my limbs and body is critical. Correct arm positioning eases entry during the penetrating, enduring "Moment of Crash" into the lake. It is like cracking into very thin ice. This out-of-my-comfort zone paradigm-shift and perspective-altering event need not be painfully body-slapping. After all, I am not a masochist. It is a rewarding free-fall that includes close relationships, and it impacts us all.

     My response to Larry Crabb's Step #3 PURGE is like this jump-&-crash experience. It is scary, yet refreshing and exhilarating. Crashing through denial and justification to view my relational sins is down-right unnatural. To acknowledge that fear causes me to hide and protect myself. It helps to release an invigorating people-purpose realm that is still uncertain how I should properly navigate.

     This past 2-month series of blogs I have shared my reactions to the first three PAPA steps... to hopefully enhance and tickle taste buds. Crabb explains The PAPA Prayer format in much better detail than I. After all, he created it. In the next blog, I plan to briefly overview the four steps and address The PAPA Prayer's final step, APPROACH. (Please refer to "Warnings & Alerts" at the very bottom of this blog).

     ... B-fore I B-fire, I B-peace... embracing God's "Hiding Place"  ...in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength... Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! (Isaiah 30:15&18)

Warnings & Alerts: First, address Step #1 PRESENT & Step #2 ATTEND. Humble prayer posture and eye closure may be beneficial for Step #3 PURGE. Moments of Jump & Crash need not create inordinate slaps of guilt. Normal symptoms may include increased heart-rate, heart-felt emotions, and possibly stinging embarrassment. Persist and hold steady, for the yin-like moments are therapeutic & will be outweighed by yang. Enduring change of perspective and paradigm shifts are the PURGE goals, as well as God's forgiveness. The patient test of time will hopefully ring true in our cherished relationships, and especially with our relational Savior God (John 3:16).

PAPA : Smarmy-Alarm

     Smarmy = Smug or insincere; the manner in which one insincerely or smugly reacts to an idea. Some smarmily react to ideas that need the test of time to ring true. A concrete example would be to, years ago, smarmily say: Oh, yah... I will one day need email to perform my job. Sure, I believe you. 

     Today we realize that those email nay-sayers were short-sighted. In Genesis we read about nay-sayers and Noah. Noah's life was spared due to his unbelievably spectacular carpentry feat which housed his family, food, and vast pairs of smelly animals. Any and all who wanted to enter the ark's safety were welcome, but their smug chants were: Oh, right, Noah. Water will one day come down from the sky. Not only that, it will be enough water that we'll need to live in your ginormous ark. Don't worry, we'll pick up our boarding passes, soon.

Origami Peace Dove

     The door of the ark eventually shuts, with no more admittance allowed. God sends entire-earth-flooding rains, and the test of time rings true for Noah. The crisis-of-moment Smarmy-Alarm blares. Noah and his crew float; the smarmy regrettably sink.

     The rains eventually subside, and waters begin to recede. Noah yearns to discover if dry ground is nearby. He sends out a dove, and my photo shows a dove's ultimate discovery... an olive tree's branch.

     The olive branch gesture of peace toward His few remaining creation is intentional, sincere, compassionate, and needed. God knows there will be future, unprepared smarmers: A link to read about Nay-sayer High Priest Caiaphas & Smarmy Pilate.

     God knows of our reality-check need for: 1) A peaceable olive branch, as well as 2) the gutsy "Moment of Jump!" A link to read about "The Moment of Jump"

     Upcoming PAPA Prayer posts will attempt a peaceful jump, to purging Step #3.

PAPA : Moment of Jump!

     Due to weather extremes, our kayaking adventures tend to be few and far between. Fortunately, over the past few weeks, both time and weather have intersected to draw us to our Lake Springfield.

     We head to the garage for a Saturday excursion. Step #1 is to lift, load, and tether the blue kayak to the top of the SUV, and my orange kayak slides inside the back window, with its nose nestled between the driver and passenger seats. After a quick 5-minute drive we arrive to our destination, Lake Springfield. Why drive farther?

     We remove the kayaks and begin Step #2. We shove off from the murky shore. The sun glistening off the calm waters confirms my love of kayaking. My upper arms feel tight, but blood-flow quickly invites flexibility's return. Paddling becomes second nature as sun, water and overall beauty take precedence.

     Mild temperatures invite slews of kayakers this day. The interest-factor multiplies as we share cordial "Hi" 's with giggling families enjoying the great outdoors. We normally paddle for 45 minutes, but today, time seems to fly because of distractions.

     We press on, passing under the US 65 bridge, and head deeper into the lake's narrowing route. I like this part of the river because the water is clearer and it feels more protected. One never knows what will be around a secluded corner, like the dude in his kayak hiding under low-hanging branches strumming his guitar.

The Moment of Jump

     Sure enough, as we paddle on, an even more interesting event catches our attention. It is live action; and more entertaining than live-TV. My husband approaches a walking bridge as a group of students gather for adrenaline-producing, better than I-Max, Fear Factor challenges. They repeatedly jump off a 25-foot-high bridge into thin air. Gravity's pull immediately takes effect, and within seconds they plunge into the water below.

     My husband's vantage point captures a serendipitous, 6-second video of 6 pseudo-synchronized jumpers. I hear one excited participant say: "The coolest feeling is the moment of jump!"

     The Moment of Jump is how I begin to describe invigorating Step #3 PURGE of The PAPA Prayer.  

PAPA : II, TOO, TWO, 2 & TO-DO's

 

     I write this entry remembering 9/11/2001, a towering day that shook our world. Facebook friends post "Never forget," and news specials sear that promise into our memories.

     I recall the normal beginning to that TOO shaking day. It was on a Tuesday as 400+ co-workers and I wearily gathered for our regular 8:00 a.m. weekly assembly.

     My neighbor was one of the co-workers present that day and, as one of the organization's executive leadership team, he approached the speaker to whisper into his ear. The jolting memories began. The speaker grimly shared that a commercial airplane had, minutes-ago, struck the Twin Towers in New York. The rest of his words became muffled, indiscernible Peanuts cartoon "WA-WA-WA's..." Terrorism's uncertainty and paranoia filled the air, and for the first time in over 10 years of working at that organization, our weekly assembly was prematurely cut short. We quietly returned to our desks.

     Utter disbelief shook us all. My brain was numb. The significance of that day's TO-DO's, as well as Psychologist Maslow's needs-hierarchy of esteem and self-actualization, became irrelevant. How was my family handling the news? Are we safe? ...and how are those people in New York? I seemed to enter into an alternate realm or perspective... a realm that American's seldom clearly experience. It is the divide between important and critical, and that divide helps to segue to this blog's topic.

     An alternate-realm perspective is how I define The PAPA Prayer's Step #2. In Step #1, we PRESENT ourselves to God, through Jesus. We share our joys, fears, concerns, and questions (for more information, click this blue link to my blog: PAPA : The Grand-Factor).

     Next, we ATTEND to how we relate to God. We step back for perspective. I see the goal in ATTEND as this: To somewhat shake me so that my perspective changes. As John the Revelator saw God and fell prostrate, I, too, change my mental posture (Rev. 1:10-18). My "TO-DO's" of a first-ever trip to Disney World (actually, I can't wait), or buying a new dress, or having fun at a party are not my deepest needs. What is critical as I stand before the Almighty? (BTW- To-do's and prayer requests are a part of Step #4 APPROACH).

     In our finite minds, is God bigger-than-life? Is He more than enough? Am I too often easily satisfied with what I interpret as much, but is actually so little? Am I far too easily pleased and pre-occupied with creating entertainment? (C.S. Lewis) Is my praise of God extravagant... or mediocre?

     Step #1, PRESENT, warms me into God's presence. Step #2, ATTEND, lightly shakes me into God's sovereignty. Critical Step #3 prepares me for Step #4. The steps are inter-related and inter-dependent. Author Larry Crabb explains each step in much better detail.

      At times, The PAPA Prayer brings warm fuzzies (more often, it does not). It is interesting to note that warm fuzzies are not the goal, but could be a (welcomed) by-product. Vulnerable, relational connection is the goal.

     An interesting Today Show segment addresses boys and communication. We are created for deep connection and communication, and we need to be heard. I see where the "Communicating with boys" scenario below might open my perspective to the complexities of God's desire, and weave it with my significant need, for regular, deep, trusting communication... with HIM:

"Masterminds & Wingmen" & Communicating with Boys

G-natty, G-nagging G-nona

     This blog was first written September, 2013, and published then posted to Facebook for a few eyes only. After Robin Williams' suicide August 11, 2014, I re-posted it. Two friends gave feedback, I've edited the blog, and here it goes again, rated PG-18 for unfavorable content, believing someone, somewhere, might in some way receive minuscule insight into the depression fight...

• Don't forget to take your sublingual B-12 (never forget that).
• Time for much-needed, regular, mind-balancing exercise. 
• [As I enter the smelly elementary school to vote] wish they had told me about the strong oil-based paint smell... it clouds my mind and so do bug bites, (try unknowingly harboring 6 overnight deer ticks. Even mosquito bites invite the cloud)...
• and eating non-organic eggs is a mega malaise-invitation.
• Nope, had pork yesterday. 
• Mold is high and crep myrtles are blooming. Be prepared.
• Nope, better not drink that second cup of caffeine tea. It makes me crazy AND sleepless. 
• Don't forget your D-3 sublingual vitamin to sleep well, and the ginger essential oil, too.
• Staying away from everything is impossible, so always be on guard for the dark cloud.

     Keystroke after keystroke, I type at my laptop. It is a marathon, manic three-blog day. These writings may only selectively be posted to Facebook, but nevertheless, I am fiercely determined to tap one stroke after another and fervently compose.
 
     The topic in this blog is uncomfortable. It is punctuated by a difficult-for-me Dr. Oz Show that aired a while back. I cringe to publish this, but feel compelled. 

     Similar to those who experience the physical effects of asthma and deal with it proactively, I must take a proactive, offensive approach to a different kind of weakness. It is the unspeakable... MIND... weakness. It is the dark cloud of depression. Triggers, for me, include the itemized list above with these effects:

• allergy- or sickness-induced emotional flatness, 
• toxin-intolerant lethargy, and
• lack of deep sleep "if-onlys." 

     These all invite depression's distortions. Dehydrating alcohol is off-limits and allergy meds and prescripts are tenuous.

     My heritage includes ugly suicides as well as its essence. I, too, am prone to possibly entering to the dark-side. I've had a few hopeless, "The unthinkable would be so..." experiences, and playing with fire is not my cup of tea.

     Two relatives (were there more?) were lost to short-sighted hopelessness, distraught about their careers and other issues, intentionally ending their lives in their 30s and 40s... a father and son, tragically making statements decades apart. Manic depression. Outrageous highs and low lows. Addiction doesn't run in my family; it gallops. I want to halt the generational madness, and everyone's generational madness.

     I am anything but a skilled professional regarding this topic, but I do have personal experience, since depression and desperate suicide both solemnly season my family tree. I've read that hopelessness is a [searing] stronghold. Those who are familiar with its relentless voice know the mental torture tactics... to oppress an energetic imagination with half-truths. Reality is darkened and embellished into a narrowed and spiraling hopeless figurative dead end.
    

G-natty g-nats blur this walker's perception
& G-nagging G-nona blurs my perception

     To counteract depression's downward spiral, I first determine that it and its thoughts are anything but friends; rather, it is an egocentric, g-narcissistic g-nemesis. I label my depression's dark spiral, "G-nona." I have determined that nursing Nemesis G-nona's thoughts not only clouds but darkly distorts perception.

     Depression's smoke malaise works by comparing blurred reality with clear, unattainable perfection. Reality is rarely rosy, and when in the midst of malaise, downer thoughts actually feel... comfortable. Justifiable. 

   

     Learning to recognize the unrelenting enemy's personal self-talk is critical for me, because once the malaise settles, the half-truth self-talk is convincing. The message is normally familiar, maybe with a minor spin. Sometimes it is self-deprecating combined with entitlement; other times a chasm of pouting paranoia. Nursing one episode, feeling hopeless and helpless, actually seems to invite and encourage another episode. 

     So, I've begun to take an out-of-body approach, and repeatedly counter and disregard G-nona's despairing message with: Stop it! Stop it!
    
     This particular paragraph is a post-script, a few days after publishing this 2013 blog. The worst (in months) endless onslaught and affront of depression occurred, but I didn't allow spiraling doom to penetrate into my mind. Pro-active exercise, Sublingual Vitamin B-12 (my body doesn't absorb normal B-12), TV-distractions, toe-nail polishing, and showering subdued my thoughts. The heavy malaise basically robbed my day, and even praying was impossible; but its vigilant mental assault didn't penetrate. There is no better way to address the g-natty g-nemesis, except with pulverizing words (please excuse my French):

G-NATTY, G-NAGGING G-NONA SUCKS!!!

&
STOP IT! STOP IT!!! 

     God has provided no grandiose or miraculous cure for my challenge; but, over the last decade seems to have opened little insights, to help infuse steady emotional self-talk; i.e. pre-programmed, realistic counter replies when I am at my weakest.to G-nona's half-truths.to benefit myself AND the generations to come.because it seems that my grown family still needs me.with eyes wide open and present.

     Thus far, my essence remains heritage-reflective (overly-sensitive feelings hover close to the surface); yet, most days I'm leveler-headed. Maybe ♫somewhere over the rainbow♫ positive infusions will create a sanded, softer yet stronger side. Kind of like quilted Northern bath tissue. Quilted to be soft yet strong, to wipe away (again, please excuse my French) G-nona's crap. 

     I will strive for strength and assuage my disdain of imperfection. A candid Running From Crazy video is shared below (click refresh if the video doesn't appear):

     Like Mariel, fortunately yet unfortunately, I've had generations from which to learn. Recognizing sneaky G-nona early into the onslaught is huge. I step back, turn into Detective Sherlock Holmes, and ask: Okay, why does everything this moment seem to have what I call the impossible-spin? Is there something that triggered G-nagging G-nona's infiltration? Sleep deprivation? Allergens? Toxins?... Before my thoughts spiral to doom, "Nip it, nip it, nip it!!" (Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show). 

     Somehow, some way choose strength, even though wallowing's bubble is impenetrable during an episode. Hit G-nona head-on with a B-12 and try to ignore her sallow self-talk. Forget myself, even though distraction from sadness is impossible, and being in crowds of happy people actually seems to intensify sadness. No matter, dig out, and at least try to positively focus on one other person's world.

     To the intellectual, this may all sound like manic, indiscernible ramblings. It is, unfortunately, the best way this blogger knows how to communicate about (prior to this blog, unnamed)...  G-nona.

Diana Nyad: "Be Fully Awake & Alert"

     In Diana Nyad's final few yards, taking stroke-after-wearied-stroke to accomplish an unbelievable swimming goal, her inspiring words for the rolling cameras were: Never, never give up.

     It took decades and 5 attempts to achieve her huge goal... to swim from Cuba to Florida. She wanted the swim to be a lesson for her life: Be fully engaged. Be so awake and alert and alive every minute of every waking day... My 2012 blogs identify with her fully-engaged and alert goal.

     Nyad powered through relentless waves and continual vomiting. She separated her mind from her painful body by singing songs and counting in French, Spanish, and German. Diana's physical vomiting never, ever turned to "word vomit," as displayed in her inspiring, upbeat interview below.

     64-year-young Nyad is grateful for a large crew of friends and experts that helped her through, as well as an eerie song that mentally pushed her on in the wee morning hours. This clip gently reminds me that my do-able challenge today is to be fully awake and inspired; and for some unknown reason, to relentlessly, keystroke-by-quiet-keystroke, keep on writing:
http://www.today.com/video/today/52911677#52904882

Who's Turning Into Her Mother?

     This morning as I wash and re-use my Braum's plastic cup and cautiously ration paper towels and napkins, I am reminded of Mom's washed, drying-in-the-dish-drainer, preparing to re-use, gallon-sized Ziploc baggies. It always struck me as hilarious that the wife of a distinguished attorney painstakingly re-cycled inexpensive baggies! I, on the other hand... hmmmm.

     In Mom's early 60s she focused on her isolated, creative side: painting. Here I sit, focusing on my isolated, creative side: writing.

     Are we destined to become our parents? Do we have emotional DNA and behaviors that pass down from generation to generation? You will enjoy the 3-minute Today Show segment below. Simply click the (baby blue) link below to view their discussion on this topic, and see why looking at the present (combined with looking back) may positively enhance your emotional future. It will take a minute to upload. Enjoy the short commercial beforehand...

Have I turned into my parents?

PAPA : The Grand-Factor

The Grand-Factor

     In last month's blogs, I attempted to tickle taste buds for Larry Crabb's book The PAPA Prayer (the right sidebar contains links to August's PAPA blogs). Now, I cautiously approach The PAPA Prayer's step #1 and search for ways to warm readers into its significance. To some, it may seem like aimlessly talking to walls, learning a foreign language, or an awkward dance.

 

     In Step #1, PRĒSENT, the goal is to become vulnerable and brutally honest with yourself and with God. To help grasp this idea, it is important to take a temporary detour. In a recent Today Show segment, a Boston College study shares intriguing findings that I label, The Grand-Factor. Their research concludes that: "Grandparents and adult grandchildren who are close are both less likely to be depressed." The positive effect is mutual, for the grandparent and the young adult.

     A grandparent helps the young adult to have a link to someone who has "been there & done that; survived; and come out on the other end." Active, surviving grandparent(s) who give back rather than just being cared for benefit from the relationship. Accept grandma's family china set when she offers it; show grandma or grandpa your resume.

     In the movie The Vow (based on a true story), the Grand-Factor is absent, but would have been beneficial. A traumatic head injury leaves young Newlywed Paige with no remembrance of Husband Leo. Her parents, sister, and high school buddies remain distinctly in Paige's memory banks, except for one critical and pivotal piece of family history. Five years previously, her dad's humiliating affair, with Paige's high school buddy, propelled her to sever all ties with family, as well as any law aspirations... and pursue her creative side.

     If anyone needed the Grand-Factor, didn't devastated Paige as an older teen? To have a caring, loving, and close idyllic "Grandparent Walton" with whom to openly PRESENT... her anger, sadness, and tearful humiliation? She needed someone connected, yet balanced... to simply listen and nod his or her head as Paige shares: Doesn't Dad know how humiliated I feel? All of my friends know! How could he do this? I HATE him!! It offends me that Mom stays with him!!!!!!!!

     After a prolonged, brutally honest conversation, an endearingly familiar "game" would begin, for Paige to absorb a special Grand-Factor commitment: Did you know that I love you, Paige?... more than... chocolate-covered strawberries?

     In turn, Paige may have warmly responded with her favorite childhood retort: "You are the best. I love you... more than... apple pie!"

     Hopefully this idea of the Grand-Factor sets the stage for The PAPA Prayer's Step #1: PRĒSENT yourself. In this step, it is critical to openly present ourselves (hurts or questions, happy events or offenses, insecurities or worries... intriguing scarab scars, artistic tattoos, ugly warts, and all) lest Steps #2-4 be sabotaged or short-circuited. Crabb says that any and all prayer requests should be saved for Step #4.

     If it feels uncomfortable to pray like this, or if it takes a huge leap to feel genuine (talking to the four walls), simply say: Lord Jesus, I can't do this. My mind is racing and actually I'm uncomfortable and feel quite bored. Help me to be real with You and God.

      In the New Testament and today, we have a special link to Someone who has "been-there." It is Jesus, God's approachable Son. Our perfect Savior Jesus is the only avenue to the Holy Father (John 3:16).

     For the informative 4-minute Today Show Grand-Factor segment, click this link: http://www.today.com/health/grandparents-grandkids-can-protect-each-others-mental-health-6C10898312