Put out to Pasture? Hugo-cious

     Lately, it has not been unusual for me to begin randomly crying (maybe it's allergies). During my afternoon walk (oh, I needed that walk) I started tearing up thinking about my old job, and how I tried to be a better-than-good employee. I initiated creating a manual with instructions for my different tasks; organized, and re-organized the office; edited and revised my IT boss's lengthy, technical, detailed emails to help his ideas communicate clearly and effectively; and many more tasks and relational intangibles.

    I felt, however, that after 7 1/2 value-adding years, the department desperately needed a "techy" programmer reinforcement… so after a year of fighting that uncomfortable idea, and finding no compelling jobs for which to apply, I was urgently drawn to a writing "sabbatical." It was sort of a win/win, as memoir-writing seemed to be calling my name. Unfortunately, no salary came with that calling; yet, I dubiously resigned, and now ask: Why after a year do I still feel so sentimental and useless?

     I miss the coffee-break chats and the purposeful sense of being a part of something important and bigger than myself. Writing has been beneficial, yet I now ponder: "Are my children and husband proud of me?"

     I so wanted my “career” to end on a high note, and earning an income would certainly help our budget. Isn’t age 57 a bit young to be put out to pasture?

     I arrive home from my walk and the tears subside. I remove my walking shoes, spray my hair and nostrils, and clean my face. Passing by the living room's red chair, I stop and earnestly pray "Please send a 'Hugo' to reveal my renewed purpose!" (I've been stopping at that chair a lot lately), and the embarrassing, sobbing, ugly cry begins...

     In the movie "Hugo," a forgotten, disillusioned, put-out-to-pasture elderly couple's valuable, lost silent film creations are re-discovered by persistent, precocious Hugo. Hugo realized that his purpose was to fix things, and that he did for a grateful couple. I long to rekindle my value and purpose, and I identify with forgotten, broken, aging, disenchanted feelings. Oh, I dreamily and reticently yearn for a "hugo-cious" redemption.

     After 20 years of working outside the home, this year-long "sabbatical" is making me a bit "looney-tunes." Maybe this whimsical, vintage IT Help Desk cartoon will help to reboot my morale today with a desperately-needed chuckle.